Sexcapades: Read-In Stories From Date Night China Listeners

Hearing other people’s sex stories can be hilarious and horrifying. Either way, those stories often act as a word of warning to the sexually adventurous.

When I hear terrible sex stories, I thank God that I wasn’t the one going through it. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’ve had my fair share of embarrassing moments… Luckily for me, I'm not alone.

For Date Night China Episode 11, we asked our listeners to send in some of their embarrassing sexcapades...and they didn't disappoint.  Take a listen to Episode 11: Sexcapades on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Here are the wonderfully cringe-worthy stories our lovely Date Night China listeners sent in! So read on if you dare; the following tales are not for the faint-hearted!

Bunk Bed Badass

A couple of years ago, I was getting close to this guy, Nathan. We hit it off really well, and he was really sweet, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to have sex with him, because I was kind of getting over my ex and afraid that it would create a sticky situation. Eventually me, him, and many mutual friends had a boozy weekend in Qingdao, Shandong Province. Tipsy, I confide in our mutual friend Mike, an 18 year old kid from NYC, “I want him. I’m gonna have sex with him tonight.” Mike (an absolute sweetheart) says “I gotchu homie. I’ll take care of Nathan." At dinner there was food, flirting, and booze. Mike made it his mission to make sure we hooked up. At some point between beers and shots I grabbed Nathan’s face and started making out with him. I was ready and willing to have sex right there on the pool table.

But he’s like “No, no, we can’t have sex here.”

“But it’s dark and there’s hardly anybody up here, it would be fun.”

“Let me take you home. We can’t do this in public.”

'Home' is our hostel, 8 bed dorm room rented by all of our friends…we thought we’d take the opportunity to “use” the room while everyone is still out drinking. He has the top bunk. So, he’s going down on me with his ass in the air, facing the door when…the door swings open and I make astonished eye-contact with his now-paralyzed room-mate, Tim….who is shell-shocked looking at both me and Nathan’s asshole. Tim snaps to his senses, mumbles apologies and backs out. And just as Tim shuts the door, we hear a voice from the bed behind us… “Don’t stop now!! Emmy was almost there!”

We weren’t alone...George had been there the entire time, the little pervert!

To this day, it is my most ridiculous sex story. Yes, we did eventually get to go for it fully without interruption. Great memories, but I still maintain, we should have had sex on the pool table.

One Sick Virgin

I was a sophomore in college and had a “friend with benefits" relationship with this one girl in my dorm. We’d only been making out until this point, and with my roommate out for the night, we wanted to take it to the next level.

We were both nervous and ended up drinking almost a whole fifth of UV Blue Vodka before moving to the top bunk. I thought to myself this is it; I’m finally going to have sex for the first time.

Unfortunately, right as we were starting to get busy, all the shots hit me at once like a freight train. I tried putting it in, but after so much alcohol, it was like playing pool with a piece of rope. We both passed out on the top bunk and said we’d try again in the morning.

However, in the middle of the night, I woke up suddenly with an intense unstoppable urge to puke. To the right was the girl, and with only a split second to react, I turned the other way and puked a gigantic waterfall off the side of the bunk. I looked down to see the damage and saw my roommate’s open laptop absolutely covered in throw-up.

I drunkenly climbed down the ladder, grabbed the laptop, and stumbled to the hallway restroom and tried washing it out. I tried for an hour, but there were still chunks lodged in the keyboard and I could not get the smell out. The girl ended up leaving during the night because the stench was unbearable and she called off the relationship the next day via email.

I woke up the next morning, virginity preserved, and had to explain to my roommate why his laptop wouldn’t turn on. He took it to Best Buy to try and repair it, but they said the acidity had corroded all the electronics inside and it was basically totaled. Looking back, I could have saved a lot of money and hassle by just turning my head the other way…

Break-ins and Nose Bleeds

The evening started with us climbing in through his kitchen window because he forgot his key…and even once he climbed in first he couldn’t undo the door lock FROM THE INSIDE because he was so drunk. I should have taken that as my cue to leave but I persevered! No where to go but up…right?

Well…not much is “going up” when you’re that drunk and the evening culminated in him bloodying my nose on accident when he slipped onto my face.

It was at that point I thought “self…I don’t think the evening will improve.” He walked me to my didi, took my hand in his and tenderly asked if there was any chance he could see me again another time (wait for it!) and have a shag with me and 2 OTHER GIRLS. Nope…zero chance.

Sweet guy, good kisser…not my best hookup.

Locked in and nearly locked up!

Sebastian and I were hammered one night and feeling frisky. As soon as we got in the Didi, his hands were up my dress and it's was almost full on porno in the back....safe to say the driver slammed the breaks on and threw us out of the Didi.

We thought it was hilarious and just started walking and giggling and kissing, which then turned into a blow job in the street near my compound. When we finally made it home we had amazing sex, but I had to leave early to go on a camping trip!

So I left the house around 8am. I left him in bed. Around 10am I had a lot of missed calls from Sebastian and my landlord and a few angry messages. WTF! I'd gone and locked him in the house, and he had a pretty important job, so he had to climb out the window on the 5th floor right opposite the Russian embassy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The police were called and I nearly got evicted. China did not appreciate Catherine and Sebastian for those 10 hours or so 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thanks For Sharing Your Stories!

Thanks again to our Date Night China listeners for sending your stories to us! If you have any stories you’d like to share with Date Night China or want to write a guest article, contact us. You can use your own name or invent a pseudonym if you’re a little shy to bare all!

This article goes along with the latest Date Night China Podcast Episode 11: Sexcapades. Listen now!